-Gifts and Curses- Part I

“I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.”

It wasn’t unusual to be sitting in the same classroom as the girl, and being fully capable of singing along to every word of a given melody, blasting at full volume from her ear buds.  If you were the student, you merely dismissed it as you resumed your brain-rattling assignments, or continued to chat endlessly with two or three of your peers. If you were the teacher, you would do everything in your power to attempt to get her to lower the volume by twenty notches or so.

“Grisom. I assume you have completed the assigned sheet on the periodic table?” the squat teacher enquires with a hint of irritation etched into her features.

Heavily shadowed eyelids open lazily underneath the brim of an ebony cap to reveal bright green orbs. A pale finger reaches out to push the pause button on the small device.

“Huh?”

“Please continue working on your assignment,” the teacher says, trying to emphasize her impatience.

“Done,” the redhead replies, scrunching her nose, giving the notion that she is about to sneeze.

“Well then. If that’s the case, you won’t mind me taking a quick look?”

“A-ACHOO!” Bringing her hand down from her nose to her thigh, she quickly wipes the saliva off onto her black jeans before grabbing the paper (with the same hand) and thrusting it into the face of the teacher.

A quick scan of the eyes reveals that the redhead did indeed complete her assigned task, and without error at that. The pudgy teacher nods her acknowledgement. Forgetting the original motive for their brief conversation, she scurries off to help another student as Grisom continues to blast her music.

~~~

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

The sudden explosion of voices, chairs being scraped across the dusty floor and 1500 students pushing their way through the crowded corridors instantly overpowers the much-anticipated sound of the quadruple bell.

“Grisom!” says a delicate voice, attempting to be heard from over the crowd.

The redheaded girl cocks her freckled face off to the side until her blonde-haired companion comes into view. The two had been best friends and inseparable since grade primary, and have kept the tradition of walking home together for the past 11 years.

“There ya are, Christy. Where were ya?” Grisom chuckles.

“I had to take Darlene to our locker. She forgot the combination again and insisted that I come to the rescue,” the blue-eyed girl sighed.

Grisom snorts. “Figures. So, ready to go?”

“Yep. Let’s.”

Chatting away the way good pals do, the two girls advance towards the main doors. Grisom barely has her hand on the bar before her emerald eyes catch sight of someone. Someone she doesn’t even know. Someone she wishes she did know.

The girl appears to be the same age as her, at the similar height of 5’6”. Shaggy, chocolate hair frames her bronze features. A pearly white grin stretches from ear to ear, shamelessly displaying her cute little dimples.  Hazel eyes sparkle with innocence and happiness. Vibrant, colourful attire matches her supposed personality.  Ears perking slightly from under brown tufts, the girl turns her head sideways until her eyes meet… with Grisom’s.

Grisom chokes. Colour rushes to speckled cheeks. Paralyzed for a split second, the stubborn girl suddenly finds the courage in her to tear her gaze away, and exit through the big, glass doors.

“You know her?” Christy asks quietly.

“Nah. Never seen her before in my life,” the other girl replies nonchalantly with a quick shrug of her shoulders, trying to mask her sudden and uncharacteristic discomposure.



~~~


Grisom fumbles with her key as she hops from foot to foot in an attempt to keep from bursting. Finally succeeding in unlocking the door, she bolts into the house, drops her school bag on the floor and makes a mad dash for the washroom.

“Grisom? That you? How was your day sweetie?” a gentle voice calls from the kitchen.

“Not now mom! Gotta pee!” comes the hasty reply followed by the slamming of the washroom door.

A few moments later, after washing her hands and clumsily drying them on her pants, the green-eyed girl bounces into the kitchen.

“Hey mom… we got any cookies?” Grisom questions.

“No, you ate them all last night, remember?” her mother says in response, raising one brown eyebrow.

“Ah, shit,” she curses, scratching the back of her head. “Well, I had better get some homework done. We have a French assignment three pages long. Like, what the hell, right?”

Her mother laughs. “Welcome to high school my dear. Grade ten is going to be oh so much fun.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” the 15-year-old sneers.


~~~


Sitting silently at her desk, hunched over three repetitive sheets of verb conjugation, Grisom suddenly drops her pencil and grabs her head in frustration. “Fuck! I can’t even concentrate on my French homework now. I mean, what the hell was that all about today?” she yells, her voice toned down more than normal, to remain inaudible to her family members.

Sighing heavily, she leans back in her wooden chair, crossing arms across her stomach. Relaxing, she gently allows her eyelids to slide shut.  I mean… I haven’t felt like that for… well… a long time. I think the last time I ever felt that way while looking at someone was…

Eyelids partially open lazily under messy strands of copper. …It was last year… when I was going out… with… with her…

All too suddenly, Grisom loses track of time as she drifts off gently into her euphoric dream world of past memories and her first (and so far, only) love.


~~~


“Hey, wanna hang out sometime?” the redhead shrugs casually, looking off in the opposite direction.

The shorter, dark-haired girl stops organizing her books, turns to face her, and rests her hands on her hips. “Are you trying to ask me out, Grisom?”

A faint blush settles into the freckled cheeks of the taller girl as she scratches her cheek shyly. “I dunno. Is it working?”


… … …

“If you’re not comfortable with this, it’s fine. I mean, I just came out not too long ago… and you’re not out at all,” Grisom whispers, making eye contact with the dirt at her converse-clad feet.

“… If I wasn’t comfortable with going out with a girl, why would I have said yes?” the other girl replies solemnly, dark brown eyes staring at the same patch of dirt.

Lifting her emerald eyes up so that they can rest on her new girlfriend’s silky black hair, Grisom smiles. Barely, but she still smiles. “Heh. Yeah, you’re right.” Reaching out a pale hand, she cups the other girl’s soft cheek in her hand, and brings it close enough so that their lips meet.

It was almost weird to Grisom. She had kissed other girls before, but never with any meaning behind it. This was much nicer.

… … …

The two girls cuddle lying down on the couch, bodies pressed together and intertwined underneath a hand-knit blanket.

“Man. I can’t believe it’s been six months that we’ve been together,” Grisom says with a yawn. She stretches her arm around the shoulders of the shorter girl to tug her closer.

“Me neither.” Her girlfriend giggles, letting her head rest on Grisom’s flat chest. “It seems like just yesterday.”

“Mmm.”

Before they realize it, the two girls find their lips locked. Lights dim. Hands wander. Breathing quickens. “I love you’s” are whispered as the two girls kiss the rest of the night away.

… … …

“Oh… so you can’t make it then?” the copper-haired girl pouts, even though it is an invisible gesture to the girl on the other line.

“No. Sorry.”

“Well… maybe I can come over there then?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea either. Listen. Let’s just hang out another time.”

“Oh. Okay then. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A clicking sound. Beeping. A heavy sigh.

Grisom hangs up the phone, disappointed that the two girls’ plans for a weekend together have been delayed. She is so wound up in her dismay, that she doesn’t even hear her mother pace into the kitchen. After a short silence, her mother whispers to her.

“Grisom… I think it’s time you start considering… well… this doesn’t seem to be working out for you. It doesn’t seem to be a… good relationship.”

Grisom snaps her eyes open in a glare as she spins around. “You can’t say that, you don’t know her! She does love me, otherwise she wouldn’t say that she does!” Upset and angered, the temperamental redhead storms off into her room and slams the door behind her.

… … …

“Listen… we need to talk.”

She had told herself a hundred times before she left the house that she wouldn’t cry. Already, tears were forming around her heavily traced eyelids. And she hadn’t even gotten to the hard part.

“What is it?” her girlfriend asks impatiently, eyes lacking the concern that Grisom thought they’d display.

“I… well… I think that… it’s best for us to,” she bites down on her lower lip and squeezes her eyes shut in agony, “… break-up.”

“What?”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” Unable to hold back, Grisom clutched at her chest. Tears were streaming down her flushed cheeks.

“Oh. Well, I think I’m going to go now. Bye.” With a flick of her shoulder-length black hair, she walked out of Grisom’s sight.

Shocked at the shorter girl’s pretty much indifferent response, Grisom felt a concoction of rage, sadness and utter confusion bubble up inside of her. Is that how all girls handled break ups? By not caring? By giving off the notion that they didn’t give a shit about the past 11 months? By walking off coldly, leaving her to wallow in sorrow? Well, if that was how all relationships would end, Grisom didn’t want any more part in it.

No. She never wanted to fall in love again.

Suppressing the urge to scream her lungs out, Grisom choked back her tears and made a mad dash for home. Not even stopping to say hi to people from school, she kept running. Her lungs were screaming for oxygen, and Grisom had a hard time giving it to them between short breaths and swallowing the urge to cry.

No, she was stronger than that. She wouldn’t cry.

She would never cry over another girl… ever again.

… … …

Black eyelids slowly drift open. Without moving her head, Grisom’s eyes lethargically wander over to her digital clock.

“7:29, huh?” she pauses for a moment, thoughtfully. “… Nah. My French homework can be done later. ‘Sides. Time for a work out.”

With that, the muscular girl strips off her skin-tight yellow t-shirt in one swift motion, leaving her in faded black jeans and a sports bra. Carelessly tying her hair back with her sister’s elastic (found on the floor), she bends down and readies herself for an evening of push-ups and sit-ups.


~~~


Grisom dreams that night. She dreams she is all alone, atop a huge, jagged cliff. White-capped waves crash into the foot of the towering landmark, sending a heavy spray of salt-water flying everywhere. Looking down at the vast, ebony water, she swallows hard. She dives.  

Grisom never dreams.


“Why did I say all those things before?
…I was sure…”


~~~
(END Part I)